Quadruply Perfect
by perFANfection
Summary: Beca and Jesse are in for a surprise of their lifetime's when they long to start a family but can't. Their careers are taking off and their marriage is strong, but missing was their little "breakfast club baby". But when they finally conceive they are in for more than they bargained when four heartbeats appear on the ultrasound, everything is put to the test.
1. Chapter 1

Saying that Beca and Jesse had struggled to conceive would be an understatement. They hungered for a child, they fought against the unknown barriers of life. They cried enough tears to produce water for a steam train. And their infertility struggles were something they felt as if they should be ashamed of, even if they knew it wasn't their fault. Beca was supposed to be able to bear children, that's what her mother had told her all of her life. " _Women were made to carry babies, and men to carry footballs."_ She would always tell her.

Jesse and Beca knew they wanted a bigger family, just not right away. Beca was just starting out in her DJ business, making barely enough for rent and crippled in college debt. Jesse's long days consisted of keeping up with his scoring of movies, his blog, and his new office internship at _Buzzfeed._ So when they finally decided to start a family, they hadn't realized the rugged, uneven road paved before them.

Month after month was full of heartbreak, and one morning Beca had actually woken up sick. Her hopes shifted to it being morning sickness, but realistically she knew not to get her hopes up. But when she felt like she had beaten the odds, she was thrown back into reality. She sobbed on the bathroom floor in frustration, a bottle of wine on the side of the tub, and that's how Jesse knew that deep inside, Beca couldn't be shaken. She was still her, even if the sharp jaws of the world ate at her outsides.

But after two years and many pregnancy tests later Jesse and Beca had decided a new route. They had reached the peak of their jobs, paying off their loans on time and making a substantial living, and finally they came across an ad online for a fertility clinic. It was then they knew they had to try on last attempt. They wanted for a while to adopt as a mean to expand their family, but felt God telling them that the could have one more shot at a biological child.

"Well Mrs. Swanson," Doctor Jermaine began, flipping her exam gloves inside out and tossing them into the trash beside her, "We've got your test results back. But before we read them to you, I want to disclose that even with help, the success rate is different for everyone, especially for their first time."

Beca felt her heart sink deep into her chest, an unsettling feeling like she had just dropped a nausea bomb in her stomach. She subconsciously grabbed for Jesse's hand, feeling his clammy palms in hers as she shakily held on.

"We detected high levels of HCG, however, the lining of your uterus looked thinner than we'd like it back in the ultrasound we did."

"What does this mean?" Jesse nervously asks in place of his wife.

"I'm really sorry Mr. and Mrs. Swanson," She informs them sorrowfully, "But chances are you're not going to carry out the pregnancy to term. Realistically you may not even make it through this trimester."

"So we're pregnant," Beca begins, careful to be too optimistic. "But we're probably going to miscarry." She felt herself become pale, her head spinning around the facts.

"I'm really sorry Beca." She began but was cut off by Jesse.

"Beca, we've wanted this for so long," He stood up to wrap an arm around his wife in comfort, as she grabbed her paper gown and snugly wrapped it around her torso. "And what I'm hearing is we're pregnant! We beat the odds Beca! So even if we don't make it through this- which we're pretty blessed to have this - we need to focus on the time we may have with this pregnancy, we need to be positive."

Beca and Jesse went home that night and prayed together, asking God that this pregnancy would stick. It had been an exhausting two and a half years, both physically and emotionally draining. And though they were ecstatic of the news of the pregnancy, in the back of their minds' replayed the words of Dr. Jermaine.

They were fearful to get too hopeful, but they wanted to be excited for the time they had, so they decided to share it with only their close family and friends. They decided sharing would be best because if they did miscarry, they wanted to be surrounded by the love and support of their closest friends and relatives.

"Chloe?" Beca answers as the dial tone stops, and she hears the redhead breathing on the other side. "Jess and I have decided that we wanted you to share a very special moment in our lives together. We're pregnant, Chlo!" She excitedly announces, hearing the ginger squeal from the other line.

It broke Beca's heart what she was about to say next, but unlike her other friends, she knew Chloe got very attached and didn't want her to be heartbroken when the pregnancy ended. That was, _if_ it ended.

"Chloe, we wanted to tell you only because we knew you'd get attached and overenthusiastic. And we have no means to kill that, but we want you to stay grounded here and be realistic."

"Beca, what's wrong?" She infers, sensing that there was a reason behind her sudden hesitance to let her celebrate.

"My uterus' lining is too thin to carry out a pregnancy and it's a miracle that we've even conceived." Beca feels a lump in her throat, feeling suddenly guilty for even bringing it up. "But they're expecting us to miscarry, at least more than likely. There's a small chance, but we don't want you to be disappointed if or when that happens."

Chloe silently cried gentle tears, streaming down her face as she could literally feel and inflict their pain on herself, even if she only had a jist of how they were feeling. But she was their friend after all, and she wanted to support them in anyway she could.

"Well Becs, if there is anything I can do to help you guys through this, just let me know. You guys are more than welcome to stop in at anytime."

Her heart was huge and her intentions were good, but Beca and Jesse regretted how much pain they felt like they could have inflicted on Chloe.

"Thanks Chloe. We'll let you know." Beca looks to Jesse behind her, feeling him wrap his arms around her waist.

The weeks leading up to their follow-up appointment and first ultrasound were nerve-wracking to say the very least. Every little cramp or spotting, (Which she didn't realize that a little was normal) scared her and she had called her doctor plenty of times in the eight weeks leading up to their first visit for solely the baby's development and Beca's health.

"Jesse," She whimpers, reaching for her husband's hand. "We're going to see a heartbeat, right?" She rhetorically asks just to hear herself say it aloud, as more of a statement.

As soon as Dr. Jermaine came in and handed Beca her sterile paper, Beca tucked it into the hem of waistband on her jeans and laid back, exposing her stomach. She felt every nerve wrack her body, and it was like looking life through a lense that wasn't hers. She and Jesse had felt out of character, a sense of de-personalization throughout the long eight week wait. Neither of them felt like themselves, not wanting to even engorge their problems in cheap beer (At least only Jesse, not drinking was secretly killing Beca, not because it wasn't worth it, but if she wasn't pregnant she would've loved a beer.) and watching _The Breakfast Club_ and other classics together. Beca and Jesse would watch it together yet separately, because Jesse loved watching movies, secretly lip syncing along and intensely dissecting the meaning of the movie , while Beca was turning her musical ear to thinking of mash-ups to make from all the different movies.

"Beca, whatever happens, we're still us. You and I, me and you, us. Nothing will change that. Most importantly, having 'us' means having each other for support together."

"Okay guys," Dr. Jermaine interrupts, "If you could turn your attention to the screen so we could see if your baby's heart is beating, healthy and strong…" She begins.

Silence was heavy and tension thick, the only audible sound being their heavy breathing as Dr. Jermaine waved her monitor across Beca's stomach. It wasn't until the small gasp that Beca's heart dropped, realizing that it wasn't a gasp like that that would signify a miscarriage, but something bigger.

"Oh my," She mutters, then smiles with amusement.

"What? What's the problem?" Jesse demands assertively.

"Dr. Jermaine?" Beca reaches for her husband's hand, calming down his raging panic as it began to build in herself.

"Well, you're definitely pregnant." She finally remarks and their hearts jump with excitement rather than pounding with fear.

The heartbeat monitor beats strongly, and the lining of her uterus had visibly thickened. In fact, she would have for sure miscarried if her uterus hadn't thickened, and it was that sudden realization across their minds' when the second heartbeat had filled the room.

"What the heck?" Jesse snapped, but Beca's jaw just dropped silently.

"Wait, I think you're gonna wanna hold your excitement." Dr. Jermaine laughs, and watches as the new parents go pale. "This isn't too uncommon, especially when you have more than one embryo implanted. They both took, and even crazier, they both split."

"Split? As in two more of each?" Beca finally sputtered out.

"They both divided into two, resulting into _four_ healthy babies." She informs them matter-of-factly, emphasizing the number four as she grinned in joy from ear to ear.

Beca sat up suddenly, knocking Dr. Jermaine back as she excitedly embraced Jesse, him picking her up off the exam table and spinning her around before realizing the joyful ruckus they were creating. It didn't feel real that she was pregnant, let alone with four babies, but the beginning of their rugged road had only started.

"Congratulations. I'm sure it's gonna take a while to truly sink in, but please take it easy. Though the lining has thickened significantly, the risk of miscarriage, preterm labor, or stillbirth comes up as well."

She gives them the ultrasound as Beca yanks the paper from still inside her jeans, and wraps herself around Jesse's arm, walking out of the clinic with a new kick in her step, and not the smallest thing could ruin her day, not even when her dad had called to tell her that he and Sheila were coming over for dinner later that night.


	2. Four times the Fun

Beca was convinced that since she was carrying four babies at once that her morning sickness was quadruple the times worse. She had felt slight sickness before they knew that they were having quads, but nothing to the extent that she was now. She laid in bed for most of the morning, mixing songs and soundtracks for the club that she worked at, at least when she wasn't throwing up or feeling some sort of nausea.

She and Jesse had wanted to open up their own rec center eventually, years into their marriage when the kids were older, but a wrench was thrown into their plans as God laughed, their dreams becoming just that. But they were perfectly content where they were now, not that they could have ever imagined this many kids, at least not at once.

Beca and Jesse, (mostly Jesse because Beca was still a partial brick wall when it came to emotions) would talk about their fears and also what they were looking forward to, but mostly, they felt hesitance to be excited. They wanted to shout the news from the rooftops but at the same time they wanted to bury their feelings down inside in fear of knowing everything could change in an instance.

They started out slow, telling Chloe, her dad and Sheila, and Jesse's parents first, deciding to wait until she started showing more to announce it to everyone else because she knew waiting until she was out of the first trimester would be too long. Her tiny frame could in no way hide the blooming secret of her four babies, and if something did go south she wanted the support of her closest friends and family around her and Jesse.

But clearly her sadness, worry, fear and sickness began to get to her because Aubrey and Chloe, along with Fat Amy and a few of the other Bella's came over, insisting on giving Beca a girls night she wouldn't soon forget.

After hesitantly dancing with her girls, and stopping to sit for drinks, Beca nervously glanced at Chloe, knowing that there wasn't much she could do to avoid this. Beca was an avid beer drinker and declining a beer would be a huge red flag. So she nuzzled her face into Chloe's shoulder, feeling the room spin and her anxiety over flow, waiting for the moments the waiter or bartender would ask them for an order.

"I'll have just a water, please." Beca informs him, reaching for a glass as the waiter slides in towards her.

"Beca doesn't wanna get blackout drunk tonight?" Aubrey teases her.

"More like, 'White Girl Wasted'." Cynthia Rose chimes in.

"Girls," Chloe holds warning in her voice for them to knock it off as Beca sips her water gingerly. "Maybe we should do some karaoke?" She merely suggests, but her tone says "Get lost".

Chloe rubs Beca's back before standing up and making her way over to the mic, requesting her go-to karaoke song before taking her place on the stage.

"Oh no," Beca buries her head in her hands, cringing inside while also laughing at the giggly ginger, and she knew now was the time to cut her off.

"Gangsta's Paradise." She spits out all too confidently, the sound of liquor heavy on her lips and voice.

Chloe's arms bounced with the beats as if she was spinning rap records, and she walked around the stage like she was a rap God, though her friends knew this was all the giggle juice talking. Chloe didn't need much to get crazy, and they wouldn't describe her as drunk. She was just light weight and could barely handle the three "Juices. None of the girls had come to get drunk, just to have fun and let loose, the days of drinking and club far behind them, but they still wanted to get out like they used to before everything started changing.

"Make this stop, someone." Beca groans, growing weary from laughing too hard.

Beca stepped on stage and threw Chloe's arm around her waist, helping her down and away from further embarrassment, not that she'd remember this tomorrow, but instead would become violently ill. But as it turned out the next day, it wouldn't be the liquor, Chloe had no intention of drinking that much, but instead her daring and carefree personality that took over the night before, with still a little help from her "Jiggle juice".

"Okay, okay." Beca finally interrupts as they settle down back at their tables, getting ready to grab their coats and leave. "Chloe already knows this, but there's something I want to tell you all."

She bites her tongue, trying to hold back the enormous smile that was forming on her face, the excitement bubbling up through her, and she could literally see Chloe struggling much the same.

"Forget this ridiculous anticipation stuff; I'm going to straight forward tell you that I'm pregnant!" She feels her heart burst as she watches everyone's faces' change from shock to excitement.

As they began to get up to hug her to her dismay, (even though she could let it slide this one time because for Goodness sake, she was pregnant!) she put her hand up to stop them all from coming at her, forgetting one piece of important information.

"Wait! There's more!" She announces, watching as they backed away with anticipation. "There's more than one." She looks around, filtering out all the noise as they chime in their opinions.

"Twins?!" She hears more than one gasp.

Beca hated attention drawn to herself, and even more hated when people prolonged their confessions, but she couldn't help but feel like a tease. She was petrified to tell them because opinions in the group varied, until Fat Amy came out with hers.

"No offense, but it looked like you were carrying like five baby versions of me. But I thought it was just all the wings." She remarks and Beca smiles.

"You're not far off." She hears Chloe mutters.

"It's quads, actually." Beca laughs nervously, a weird word on her own tongue.

Simultaneously the girls squeal, finally group hugging Beca and that's when Beca shakes them off, distancing herself from potential heartbreak. She hated to get the girls so excited when she knew in the back of her mind that things could change with a snap. But she didn't want to live in fear, she wanted to celebrate with the girls, no matter how hard.

" _We once had the Korean government after us for my parents having twins. That's why I ate my twin in the womb; To save her."_ Lily whispers, startling everyone with the dark truth.

"The only reason I have eleven siblings is for child labor. And some of us weren't even good at that." Flo adds.

Aubrey stays straight faced through the entire thing, holding Chloe's hand through it all, and that's when it occurred that she knew Beca didn't know she knew. Aubrey was hiding something and Beca would've died to know, that was if she could only notice Aubrey in the moment.

"Beca," Aubrey tried for her attention, "When are you due?"

"It's hard to say with quads, because they always come early. But I think around early August. Why?"

"Because," She sighs in frustration, "That's when we were supposed to perform for the troops. My dad was coming to watch us." She throws her hands up.

"Aubrey," Chloe warns, "Beca just found out she was pregnant with quads and you're worried about the performance? Shouldn't you be more worried about Beca's health?"

Aubrey realized that it wasn't the best timing, but she had intended to make up for what she thought was a childhood full of disappointments by performing, and she felt that without Beca, they couldn't give a killer performance. She knew it was selfish, she was about to have her miracle babies, and all she could worry about was her father. But there was more, so much more, and she couldn't open up to the other Bella's. So she pinned her lips together and smiled through the next twenty minutes, watching everyone celebrate with Beca.

 **-XXX-**

Beca waddled into the kitchen, yawning and stretching the full span of her arms over her head before sitting at the kitchen counter and having her husband slide before her, her steaming hot coffee, decaf of course because Jesse was paranoid, and dry toast.

"Mornin, my million dollar babies!" Jesse kisses Beca a quick peck before reaching across the counter and putting a finger on Beca's growing stomach.

Beca felt huge and uncomfortable, and Jesse knew that. He wanted to do everything to help her but he couldn't take the babies to carry, so he kept her comfortable the best he could. She laughed at the fact that Jesse didn't want her to lift a finger, and every time he would sing movie songs to the babies, it reminded her what a goofball husband she had.

"Jess, we have an appointment today." She excitedly informs him through a mouthful of toast.

"Is it that day?" He hints.

"It's today." She laughs, messing around with him. "We find out the genders of the babies." She smiles.

Jesse was hopeful for an even mix, so he could use four names from the breakfast club, two boys, and two girls. Beca would find that ridiculous, and she did.

"Jess, don't get your hopes up. This whole "Breakfast Club" thing, it needs to stop."

"Well, I can tell there's definitely no sun in your "Capris Sun" this morning." He sarcastically remarks.

"I just don't want you to be disappointed when we can't name our kids after your favorite movie."

" _Our_ favorite movie." He corrects her.

"We can't name our kids after something that no one else would understand the meaning to." She reminds him, finding this whole argument redundant.

"It doesn't matter if others get it, because it's special to us."

Beca stands and waddles for her coat on the rack, Jesse beating her to it and wrapping it around her body. She then grabs the keys and walks toward the door, expecting Jesse to follow.

"So what are you thinking? Boys, girls, or both?" Jesse asks as he stops at a light, Beca staring contently out the window.

"You know, what if we find out two of the babies, then leave the other set of identical twins a secret? That way we have something to look forward to."

"As fun as that would be, I'd like to have name lined up. Knowing which baby gets which name from our movie."

"Jesse," She sighs, looking over to him. "We have two sets of identical twins, so babies 'A' and 'B' are likely going to be the same gender, but may be opposite from babies 'C' and 'D'. Identical twins aren't usually opposite genders."

"What's your point?" Jesse infers.

"If we have two eggs that both split, that makes them identical and fraternal. Because we implanted two eggs, that make them fraternal and they both split, so the ones that are split from each other are identical." Beca finished, lowkey feeling like a scientist.

Jesse looks at her lost, surprised by her intense knowledge on how this baby splitting thing worked, and just nodded his head. Beca caught on and grabbed his hand, smiling at his reassuringly, but still informing.

"We could have two girls and two boys, or all boys, or all girls. But no matter what happens, we're going to be happy, because God gifted us with this many babies. We can't be disappointed just because _you,_ " Beca pauses and points at him, sticking her pointer finger into his shoulder, "Want to name our babies after a ridiculous tradition."

As Beca got undressed and into her gown, she prepared herself for not only making the quads feel like reality by knowing their genders, but also for the tolerance test she had to take later that day, along with a blood draw before work, later that day.

"Morning guys," Dr. Jermaine greets them as she closes the door behind her, "Are we ready to do this." She sets down her clipboard and pulls on blue gloves as Jesse and Beca eagerly nod.

The monitor fills the room with four strong heartbeats and images of squirmy little humans on the screen, Jesse and Beca watching in awe as their childrens almost seem to become animated and say 'hello'. When it was finally time to find out the reveal, Beca grabbed Jesse's hand and turned her head to face the monitor better.

"Baby 'A' seems to be using their sibling to hide, and it's making it difficult to tell. But if I had to predict what the other baby was, I'd say baby 'B' was a girl."

Beca excitedly squeezes Jesse's hand, and laughed as Jesse asked the rhetorical question she knew he was thinking.

"So, that means that baby 'A'..."

"Is probably a girl too? Yes, because they're identical, we know by reasoning that you have two little girls." Dr. Jermaine smiles politely.

Beca smiles at her husband, trying to comfort him when it looked like he had disappointment on her face. But she had no doubt in her mind that he would be a great daddy to two little girls, or even maybe four, because of how he thought women should be treated. She knew he would love them with all his heart, protect them, and raise them to be the best women they could be.

"So, what's the verdict on the other two?" Jesse eagerly asks, waiting with anticipation for them to move on.

"Baby 'C' is…" Dr. Jermaine clicks through many different screens, trying to find the best angle, "Well, it looks like you're outnumbered, daddy." She laughs lightheartedly.

"Wow," Jesse gasps, looking to Beca with wide brown eyes. "I get to have four more Beca's. This really was inevitable that I would be surrounded by four, beautiful women."

Beca both rolled her eyes and felt her heart melt, knowing that Jesse didn't really care what the babies were, as long as they were healthy. He loved family and the idea of four kids was crazy enough, but the fact that he had more to love, he didn't care if they were boys or girls or both.

"Man, I'm so excited Becs," Jesse rambled on the way home, "We can teach them to do anything that I could've taught my sons to do if I had one. We'll take them fishing, and to thread their own hooks, and maybe one of the girls will want to sing or score movies. But if they don't want to follow our paths, that's perfectly fine too." Jesse pauses for a breath, exhausted from the excitement.

"Settle down Jess. We'll make sure they'll have their freedom to discover what they want when they can actually start walking and talking. But for now, they need names."

"Allison and Claire for sure?" He teases and Beca shakes her head.

"Breakfast club stuff is up for debate, maybe for middle names. But I definitely want nothing too crazy, but nothing too traditional either."

Jesse felt that Beca was being such a stickler, a Debbie Downer, considering the fact that the _Breakfast Club_ to him, had felt like it began and shaped their whole relationship. He felt it was a huge part of who he was, and as husband and wife, they were one. He shared her interests, and she pretended to share his.

"How are we gonna know who gets which name? Are we gonna assign each baby letter a name, or wait until they're born to know?" He wonders how they would plan this out so delivery day was less chaotic.

"I think we should pick names, and assign them to whichever baby in each set comes out first. But I want their names to sound good together. So baby 'A' and 'B' are gonna have similar names, but whoever of the two comes out first gets that name."

"Are you thinking similar sounding, or letters, or both?" He asks as he rotates his steering wheel with his left palm, turning into their driveway finally.

Beca sighs, taking in the small exterior and even smaller interior of their starter home and knew immediately that this was not where she would have ever imagined raising four kids, at least not at once. This was going to be too small eventually but Beca knew now was not a good time to consider moving.

As nice and it would be to have more space, (especially since they only had one guest room for when their family came to help) they couldn't imagine or probably even afford the move. But Beca would have to discuss this with Jesse, though she felt he probably felt much the same.

"Jess, don't you even think about moving?" She rhetorically asks, knowing the answer.

"Only when I found out we were having quads."

"We need to move, find a bigger place. Maybe even _build_ a house." She adds in _build_ cautiously.

"Build?" Jesse is caught off guard.

"Like a place we know will be permanent. The girls will up there and we'll get a dog, and have family Christmas', and eventually, maybe even _grandchildren._ " She emphasizes grandchildren to sell it more to her reluctant husband.

"Slow down there, hormones." He calls her, smiling with a slight tease. "We just found out we're going to have four babies, and they could really come very soon. We don't have time to build a house, or even move because chances are you won't make it to term." He educates her about her own pregnancy, wanting to keep a realistic stance on her semi- pouty face.

Beca knew that the babies would be here soon, she just didn't realize how soon. Her babies could be here at thirty-one weeks, nine weeks earlier than her due date. She had hoped at least they would stay in that long, they could come sooner, and the idea of running out of time scared her. She started nesting very early, preparing for the birth. But what was missing, the names, the nursery, and a new home. They needed the room.

Just weeks after finding out the genders, they sat in the nursery, what little had been done, and they rocked back and forth in the chairs, baby books, Beca's from the library in hand. Jesse held a pen in hand, marking down his favorites and little stars in the margarines.

"What do you have written down, Becs?" Jesse looks up from the book, checking on his wife who was running a lock of hair between her lips.

"Huh?" She looks up startled, realizing that he was talking about the books. "Oh, well, nothing too crazy. Just some… names." She stutters.

"You've got nothing, do you?" He smirks and she shrugs, slightly frustrated. "Well," He begins again, looking to his list. "Well, I've got some; Ivy, Harper, Hazel, Nina…"

Beca cuts him off, shaking her head at the names. She didn't feel any of them ' _click'_ per say, and so many of them felt too girly for her.

"I'm wanting something unique. Not super weird or girly, but something that sounds like my child. Like Finley, or Tenley, or even Jude. Jude sounds like a biker chick, or a DJ, and Tenley just sounds tomboy-ish."

"Becs, I don't know. We can guarantee their personalities by naming them like that. They create their own likes, their own personalities, their nicknames. We can't force them to be the alter ego to their names." He assures her, making sure that she not expect something that might not happen.

"Luna is kind of pretty though. And it could be neutral, right?" Jesse asks, knowing a girly name isn't gonna guarantee a "girly- girl.".

Beca grabbed for Jesse's list, wondering how much research he had actually put into names and their meanings. But as it turned out, Jesse was scoring the names as if they were movies from one to five, but they were all names he liked.

"You're scoring their names? Like you do movies?" Beca laughs incredulously. "You're an aca-nerd." She teases, planting a kiss on his lips before standing up with Jesse's assistance, and making her way to the kitchen where she wanted to make a sandwich.

She continues to look at the list, taking a bite as she looked at the scores, laughing, until she saw a large, red "X" over the names.

 _Everly, rating: 2, Allison, rating: 5 (duh, Breakfast Club),Claire, rating:5 (See previous),Eloise, rating: 4,Luna, rating :4.5,Eleanore, rating: 2, Phoebe (1), Penelope (5)_

Beca was confused to why he had crossed the names off after rating them in the first place. This was of course, a list of trial and error, but why would he cross off all the names? She was thinking that there was more, or maybe he was just as fearful at getting attached as she was, only to lose something they have yearned for so very in the making. Was she overthinking? Probably. But how could you not when years of trying for a family was successful after their second IVF attempt, something that doesn't happen as often as most couples hope.

They were ready to quit after their first one failed, the emotional toll too painful to deal with, both before the egg was implanted, and after they found out they didn't take. IVF wasn't the magical cure to infertility, most of the time it actually took many attempts, a misconception they soon learned. And just as equally was it expensive, something they were glad they finally had the financial ability to at least try, and their insurance only covered a sum of it. They had decided the second time, if not a charm, they wouldn't give up their dreams of being parents, even if it wasn't meant to be biologically.

Beca felt that miscarriage was a abstract, dark, painting, and she could vividly picture it: The emotion of all the shades of her emotions, it wasn't something that could just be forgotten, even after the years, and especially not after all the heartbreak. The pain never went away, it just became easier to cope with. She began to get better at handling the painful memories, and slowly spent less time reveling in the past, and looking to the future.

What else was colorful? Adoption: The melting pot of families, growing rich in not just love but in culture, color, new experiences for parents with children of color, cultures and different languages. A chance to learn so much more than just what's in the distance around you. A leap of faith, something out of reach.

She remembered these deep thoughts circling her mind as she lay on the bathroom floor crying, waiting for Jesse to return from work. The date, just three years before, was August seventh, just three days from their anniversary, and she had planned on celebrating their anniversary with him by revealing that she was pregnant.

She had found out just a few days before and wanted to put it off a few more. But as she lay on the cold linoleum floor with her pregnancy test in her hand, sobbing as she stared blankly at the two lines, realizing how quickly life could change. It pained her that she spent a total of three days knowing of her pregnancy, even if she was thankful that she had spent the short time cherishing the baby at all.

"Beca?" She had heard her husband's soothing voice echo from the foyer.

She silently laid there, waiting until she heard his footsteps finally find her on their bathroom floor. She was an embarrassed, tear-stained, curled up ball of emotions, wearing the same ratty gray sweatshirt and leggings she had worn the day before, her hair a rat's nest flopped over on the floor.

"Beca? What's wrong, baby?" He had asked, sliding his back against the counter and sitting beside her.

She had felt that his tone was kind of condescending, like the voice of a father who was trying to comfort his teenage daughter after a breakup. She didn't want pity, she didn't want babying, she wanted the comfort from her adult husband in a way that they should handle it. Sometimes she still wished she could go back, run away from the pain as a child again, but after many times she began to believe it was her fault she couldn't get or stay pregnant, or she felt like she was torturing herself, doing this to herself by trying to get pregnant then failing.

Beca curls up into Jesse, resting her head into his lap and looking up with her blurry, tear filled eyes, unable to imagine the pain they both were about to encounter. She felt wet through her leggings, the blood staining them but she had no will left to get up and change because that wasn't what was important to her right not. It was the disappointment she sought to avoid putting on her husband's face.

Jesse sat in silence, stroking his wife's matted hair from her sticky forehead, unable to understand her as she babbled to herself, her words a slur through her emotions. But what caught his eye was the pregnancy test between the grip of Beca's palm and fingers. He wondered what had really happened. Was this another month of disappointment as she received another negative test? These couldn't be happy tears, he knew that much.

"Beca, I know that this never gets easier, that it's a punch in your empty gut every month, but maybe a break from trying would be best for us…" He starts to rub her back, talking in a calm, slow voice that she found usually so sexy.

"Jesse!" She sobbed, her whole body shaking uncontrollably and she felt that she was being overdramatic.

"Beca, your feelings are valid. Whatever you're feeling is okay to feel and to express. But we can't get through this if we don't talk to each other and what we want moving forward."

Beca shakes her head, feeling a physical hurt in her stomach and her heart as if they were somehow connected and sending waves of pain through her body. This wasn't like any physical pain like cramps or miscarriage. It was an emotional pain so strong that she couldn't move and she was physically feeling the pain of heartbreak and loss.

"What can I do, as your husband, to help you? Can you tell me that?" Jesse offers, unsure how to reassure his wife other than just holding her in his arms, and letting her know that he was in fact, there for her.

"Jess, we lost our baby. We lost the child we so badly wanted and tried for, and there's nothing we can do to fix this. Please, just stay here with me." She whispered the last part as her eyes widened, pleading for more than just this pain to go away.

"A b...baby?" He was dumbfounded, a spark of hope and excitement in his voice before his heart dropped realizing that he hadn't even known of it more than a minute before losing it.

He didn't have the time to celebrate, but he did grieve. This was his baby too and even if he hadn't known about it very long it pained him to think of the loss and even more the physical and emotional toll this was taking on Beca because she had obviously known longer. He didn't know how long he had been oblivious to the fact but knowing Beca, she didn't have the tendency to open up right away and was probably waiting for the right time.

"Beca, you're not in this alone. I've never carried a baby so I can't begin to imagine how you feel, but I'm in this with you. This is for life, you and I. We'll work through this together." He interlocks his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I feel like I've lost a part of myself. A sense of emptiness, not just a physical one, but like emotional. I've lost a human being I was growing in me. Our human."

"This pain isn't permanent. We'll never fully get over this, but we will learn how to talk about it, how to handle the pain, and eventually we'll slowly start healing." He reassures her, wanting so badly to say something that she hasn't heard before, something other than a cliche, even if it was true.

She was truly selfless, a wonderful wife taking everyone's feelings into consideration, hers, his and that was why she didn't want to tell him. Other than the fact that she was planning something to reveal it to him, she also thought it was a reasonable way to put off telling him.

Of course she was cautiously jumping for joy, but while she was taking in Jesse's feelings, she didn't take into consideration that he would probably have wanted to celebrate with her. Her selflessness got into the way of her thinking ahead, thinking of the outcome of her actually hiding it because she hadn't expected to happen. But you can't plan for these things. ' _You can have the best doctors in the world,'_ Jesse always told her, ' _But that won't change the fact that once the embryo is implanted, or the baby is conceived, that it's out of everyone's hands but God's.'_

It was hard for her to accept this, the loss, the pain, everything, but little had she known that day that several, short years later she would be pregnant not with just her first kid, but also their last. That she would have four kids all at once and they would be everything they hoped for. That the love she would feel in pregnancy was so indescribable it hurt, and she hadn't even met them yet.

But a part of her felt selfish for not being able to be as excited for these rainbow babies, because a lot of her inside was telling her to be cautious. She was afraid to talk about the possibilities that not all the babies may make it, or they could all be born sick and early. Jesse and her both knew that possibility was likely, yet they thanked God for everyday they still had with the babies.

 **-XXX-**

Beca, heavily pregnant at only twenty-nine weeks, was told to take it easy or possibly be put on bedrest early. But Chloe had wanted to invite her to join herself and the Bella's at a small fundraiser karaoke that Chloe was putting on the sponsor children with disabilities (because this not only her line of work in special education, but her passion to see growth and potential in others). Beca reluctantly agreed, only if she hadn't needed to dance, but hang out in the background of the performance.

"I just don't know Jess, I'm huge already and I could literally pop at anytime with the babies since there's so many at once. Is this really a good idea?" She looks for reassurance in her husband, slightly feeling guilty.

He reaches her windbreaker for her off the coat rack, putting it over her shoulders as she slides her arms in, then she sits down and he helps guide on her flats. It was a mild, late May day and the temperatures were only nosediving further as the day went on.

"Ugh-" She groans as Jesse tries helping her swollen feet into the 'two sizes too small' shoes, tears welling in her eyes with frustration.

"I think you and I both know you deserve a break. Go out with the girls, have fun, raise money. You deserve this, Becs." He smiles, rubbing her left foot as she struggled still with her right.

Beca throws her arms up in frustration and Jesse lightheartedly chuckles, going to their bedroom to retrieve her black ballet-like slippers that they had boughten on vacation when she first had began swelling. Then she grabs Jesse's forearms as he assists her in standing up from their mudroom wooden bench.

The new house had a beautiful mudroom that they saw their girls using one day, maybe during the winter. She imagined them stomping their feet through the front door and muddy snow across the tile, dragging in the wetness of winter with them. Their rosy cheeks and raw hands from building forts would be warmed with cups of steamy hot chocolate she had prepared for them, and Beca laughed at that thought, the mom cliche she thought she would have never wanted before.

The cupboards in the corner would hold their big, thick coats, hats and mittens on the shelves and their boots soaking beneath the hanging coats. Beca was a slob herself but was too lazy to clean the mess of winter clothes off the floor and also the mud. She and Jesse both agreed they'd want to raise their kids with at least some good cleaning habits.

"Jess, don't forget to switch the wash, and please finish putting together the cribs in the quads room. They're coming very soon and we need to have everything that is important ready." She unintentionally nags him as she grabs her keys and heads out.

She picked Chloe up from her home early to help her set up, agreeing to put together the decor and snacks at the kid friendly venue Chloe had picked, a small restaurant that had agreed to lend a place for Chloe to host for a small price.

The room was plain but roomy, with a few windows that let in the spring sun, but overall was dark and musty. It had looked like an abandoned hotel room, and the stage was a square landing, like you would see on a set of stairs, sticking out from the wall, taking up at least a fourth of the room. The karaoke equipment was set up, the two rectangular machines glowing with lit up screens, songs scrolling automatically down the screen.

"Chloe, this place is kinda, gross." Beca bluntly exclaims, looking around at the musty, spider webbed room.

"Well, the outcome isn't expected to be too big, but we definitely need to do some cleaning before they get here. Maybe the word will spread better if we treat it like a sponsored, paid thing." She cheerily informs Beca, glowing as she glances around at her work that was cut out for her.

Beca's phone buzzes several hours later and she is quick to glance at it, seeing that it was both Jesse and Aubrey.

' _Got a huge surprise for Chloe's fundraiser.'_ Aubrey texted _._

' _Have fun babe. I'll get the cribs done tonight with Benji and Donald. Love you'_

She smiled and then deleted the text, able to relax a little more knowing that Jesse did have it under control. It was rare that Jesse didn't get the things he needed to get done, done. He was a hard worker and spent many hours at home watching movies (which didn't sound that bad) and scoring them as Beca sat in her room, making mixes on her work laptop. She had a record label that wanted to pick her and some clients up and debut her album by the beginning of July, and with the babies, she didn't have a lot of time to finish writing and producing them.

Then the time came when all the Bella's came piling in and soon after, the citizens of Georgia. Slowly then a little quicker they flooded in, sitting at the tables, finely decorated by Aubrey's fine skills. The tablecloths were black, candies arranged neatly and donation jars with flowers glued to the lids in the center. It all came together nicely and while everyone began to converse the Bella's met up by the restrooms, discussing their final plans for the karaoke.

First the guests would have a chance to go up and sing, an optional donation for each song, and it would be kind of like a club. But before the end of the night the Bella's would hold a mini performance, receiving any and all donations in a box at the edge of the stage.

"Let's aca-finish this. For Chloe and the purpose of this event, the children." Aubrey smiles, glancing around to all the girls, ready and prepped.

"We may have been out of practice for a while, and though all of us still have fat hearts, some of have gotten fat." Fat Amy jokes, Beca catching an accusing eye at her.

Beca felt a hot flash come on, and she couldn't tell if it was the hot lights Chloe had insisted be right on the stage, or if it was from huffing and puffing around with four babies in her stomach. She took a quick swig from her metal water bottle, secretly wishing it could be alcohol in the bottle. She loved Chloe lots, but sometimes she was a bit extreme and too much for the other girls.

"Becs? Are you okay?" Chloe catches Beca off guard with her hand on her shoulder, stopping Beca before they prepare to enter the room and get on stage.

Beca nods, unsure how she really felt herself. The braxton hicks weren't really a new thing, she had been feeling her uterus tightening up and clenching for weeks now. Usually a glass of water and sitting down with her feet up would subside them, and she figured she needed to sit. But what worried her was the nausea and suddenly hot all over fever, but she pinned it on all the stress, decorating and nervousness.

"Well you know Chloe, carrying four babies is being like half of the "octomom" lady. I look, feel and act like I'm carrying a load for a dump truck." She responds and Chloe nods in sympathy for her.

Chloe rubbed Beca's back as she helped her up the steps onto the stage, into the hot lights as they began formation, the song beginning in the background. They all took a deep breath as Ashley began with bass, and the other's joined in, carrying the melody.

Beca felt that the lights were blurring her vision from dizziness, and she wanted more than anything to sit down. She was in the back and could have easily slipped off if she wanted, but she felt dedicated to helping Chloe and didn't want to let her down. She was very uncomfortable, her back aching and feet swelling to four times their actual size, and it became clear that this would be her last _hurrah!_ Before the babies came.

"Chloe?" Beca whispered in between sets, "I'm gonna count out of this one." Beca began to slip away, hoping to draw attention away from herself, but instead only attracted more.

"Beca?!" She heard one of the Bella's gasp before feeling a sea of eyes and a bunch of Bella's around her limp body.

She had gone to exit only to trip over the microphone cord, slipping off of the stage in her worn and gripless ballet flats, falling forward and rolling from her stomach to her side in pain. Her arms had only semi softened the fall with slower reflexes, but she still felt in pain, her ankle twisted beneath her other leg. Her heart pounded not only from the anxiety of having everyone witness her clumsiness, but the thoughts immediately went to and stayed on her four babies, who up until that point, were just chilling in her womb.

"Cynthia Rose, there's no need for CPR." She hears Stacey exclaim, pulling the black woman away from Beca.

Beca laid with her eyes closed, fully conscious despite feeling everything spin around her. She was only truly conscious of her thoughts and not the outside world. She could only distantly hear everyone talking but not what they were saying. She only knew when they had helped her up and into Chloe's car, taking her to the hospital where they could tend to her ankle and the four unborn babies now disturbed from their sleep in utero.


	3. Welcome Changes, Welcome Babies!

Beca earned her motherhood stripes, actually that was what she had called her stretch marks. Of course she couldn't have been fully aware what she was saying when the room full of doctors, both ob-gyn's and anesthesiologists were surrounding her and monitoring not only her babies but her foot as well.

It was an overwhelming experience and she had learned soon after that she was not going to be able to leave until the time for the babies to be delivered would come. She had those strict from her doctor, and everyday for the next coming weeks she and the babies would be spent monitoring Beca and the babies.

Beca did enjoy being pampered, but not like this. Though Jesse showed a love for spoiling his wife Beca spent the days feeling guilty for being laid up at the hospital while he took care of things at home. She was lonely and bored during the day while Jesse worked, only the motivation of finishing her album keeping her going until the babies would arrive.

She also spent a lot of time researching the meanings of the names she and Jesse had explored. She loved the idea of having a meaning behind each name, even if the babies had the name assigned to them in birth order. She was beginning to think it was easier and practical, but she wanted the child to be much more than their name. She wanted the name to fit them and that was when she decided that while the babies would inevitably be in the NICU, she would spend time with each deciding what name fit what child.

"Jess," She had looked up from her book, watching as he stared lovingly at the baby monitor, admiring in awe the four, strong heartbeats of his developing children. "What do you think of this meaning for our name. It says: "This name dates back to the late eighteen hundreds, and means 'Joy' and 'gladness'. We could vouch for that? Because these are our miracle babies."

Jesse rubs his chin, his freshly grown beard hair looking fuzzy and ridiculously thick for being early June. Beca had jokingly told him that the babies would come out to their father as a grizzly bear, and it would make them cry. Jesse insisted that they already came out crying, but Beca really insisted he shaved.

"How about name number four? It means "priceless one". That's good, right?" Jesse inferred, getting more excited the closer they got.

"Yeah, but can't we name them something just simply because it's pretty, or fitting? We can just simply love a name without a meaning, right? Or we can give her our own meaning." Beca implies, trying to make this easier on the both of them.

It was then that the doctor came in for her daily check-up, along with Doctor Jermaine. And it acted like it was a trigger for them to start deteriorating, like the babies knew that they were about to get rotated to help ease Beca's tension and uncomfortable pain, but also position the babies downwards. They didn't want them to come and she was on meds to ease her contractions, but they wanted to avoid the babies from becoming distressed as it got less roomy in the womb.

"What's happening?" Jesse asked, standing from his chair only for his wife to grab him by the hand as the monitor screamed.

"The babies are so uncomfortably tight in here, and they're showing signs of distress. Beca has preeclampsia also, so both mom and babies are uncomfortable. If Beca's blood pressure goes up anymore, or the heart rates of the babies go down, we're going to need to deliver." Dr. Jermaine tries to calm him, leading him back to his chair so she can continue to watch Beca and the babies.

"You have an hour for baby 'C' to start moving, and if any of the other babies show signs of distress or slow beats, we're going to deliver them all this afternoon via C-section." Dr. Tina Davis informs them, motioning for Dr. Jermaine to write it down in the charts.

Beca was fearful for the early delivery because she wanted more than anything for them to continue growing. But she knew they were running out of room and were in distress, and they had already been blessed that her fall hadn't put her in labor or the babies in danger. It had only been three weeks since then, and she was anxiously waiting for them any day now, but she still enjoyed the bond she shared with them inside, secretly calling them by their names, already feeling like she knew which girl was gonna be each name.

"I like the name Hazel." Beca had remarked one day as she rubbed her stomach, feeling a few elbows here and there, and instantly she thought of her childhood dog Hazel, who was very full of energy, but very loving.

"Like your dead dog?" Jesse teased. "We're not naming the baby after a dog." He laughed incredulously, knowing it was the hormones talking.

"Come here." She motioned, moving Jesse's reluctant hand across her stomach until she found the baby who was throwing her elbow into Beca's lungs. "This is her. The one who I could definitely see as Hazel."

When Beca saw his reluctance still, she smiled and laughed lightheartedly, waiting for him to relax.

"Hazelnut is a fruity, plentiful bearing bush that brings the nut. I feel like being pregnant with quads, we are plentifully blessed with bearing all the fruitful children."

"Wow Beca, you're really putting a lot of thought into this. We just need four names that our perfectly fitting for our children. No one is gonna come up to us and ask for a meaning as if it's some sort of 'right of passage'." Jesse laughs, much to Beca's dismay.

"I know, but I'm just looking for something that means more than just naming our children some random names. I want it to fit to them personally. And I imagine a Hazel as a curious, hyperactive child."

"Whatever we name these kids, they're going to turn out fine. It's not like we can give them the wrong name and they'll turn out bad." Jesse reassures her, and Beca leans her head into her husband, the list of names they finally narrowed down in her hand.

"So we're positive that we're going to use these four names?" Beca confirms.

"We're absolutely sure of the names. Just not on who gets what name. But we know the names our ones we picked and pondered on, so if it's right for us and for the babies, that's all that matters."

 **-XXX-**

Jesse spent the following weekend with his fellow Treble Makers decorating the nursery. Beca had spent the first few months of her pregnancy (Well, after all the sickness and the idea of quads set in) looking through magazines for ideas, and after awhile she decided they just wanted a cozy room for the quads to sleep, and not complicate or overthink anything.

But Jesse wanted more for his wife. He wanted to surprise her when they came home after a long hospital stay (more than likely) with a nursery of her dreams. Something cozy, a place to rock the babies, change them and make memories, not just a cold, dark room with a few supplies. And the fact that all the babies were the same gender, made it easier to decorate.

"Where's Benji with the paint?" Jesse wondered aloud as Donald helped him outline the walls with tape in preparation.

"He and Aubrey couldn't agree on the right shade, especially with the wooden letter initials she picked out." Donald informs her, slightly rolling his eyes at the perfectionist, bossy blonde.

Jesse sighs in slight frustration as he tussles with the tape, realizing the anxiety of having the babies come soon, and all the work to be done rush towards him at once. They had a lot of work to do and he was on the edge waiting for that call, the one that he would spring into action and hustle to the hospital, where he would assure his wife that he had held down the fort at the home just fine.

"We're back! Sorry about that." Benji rushes in, having the paint pulled from his hands by a panicked Jesse.

Aubrey pushes through with Chloe following close behind, their art supplies and wooden letters soon a scattered mess on the carpet as the boys work on the building and manual labor part. The girls were more than excited to be a part of the babies lives in a way where they would design where they all would be sleeping for years to come.

"Don't they rent this place, though?" Fat Amy whispers when she finally arrives to help.

"It's the thought that counts." Chloe reminds them cheerily.

They spend eight hours of their day, from two until ten that night putting together the room. They ordered pizza, put on some movies in the background, and were hard at work, painting, building, and preparing. Aubrey and Chloe considered themselves interior decorating amateurs, along with Stacey, fashionably hanging the curtains she had picked out from Target on the windows.

Once they had painted the entire room in the shade of mixed rose and watermelon, a shade they referred to as a "light wine", they stood from afar, admiring the work they had put into the nursery. Nesting was something Beca may have missed out on, but she was definitely not unprepared. She had the love and dedication of her close friends, and Jesse's mom and younger sisters had agreed to come and live with them temporarily, until they settled into their new lives.

"We have their letters; L-L-M-N. Should the letters be in that order in one spot, or should each letter be above their corresponding crib?" Aubrey asks Jesse, because after all, it was important that she was doing this to please the parents tastes, and not herself.

After each letter was hung above the crib, Aubrey sat in the rocking chair, admiring their work, and everyone in the room was pleased. The only worry on their mind was Beca, and how she was doing. None of them had the patience or the ability to contain their excitement, and though they knew Beca wasn't a huge fan of pink because it was an eye sore to her, they knew she would appreciate and love their job well done.

Jesse passed beers to the guys and the ladies cracked open a bottle of wine, carefully sipping their glasses as they all sat on the carpet in the babies room, chatting amongst themselves.

"So Jess, can you tell us at least what one of the letters stands for? One of the names, can you please?" Stacey begs, all the girls joining in except for Chloe, who sat near the corner of the room contently chugging her third glass.

"We don't know who's gonna get which name, so I can't tell you specifically who baby 'A' is gonna be, or so on. But I can tell you the names sound great together, not quite rhyming, but they flow nicely."

"How about a middle or nickname? Is there gonna be like a Fat whomever, or something?" Fat Amy teases.

"Beca doesn't want me to share." Jesse insists, vowing to stay loyal to his wife, though he didn't understand why they couldn't just tell them the names.

Everyone sighed and the boys continued chugging their beers, as the girls gossiped about their name ideas. It was then that it hit them, if they spent all this work putting together a room, it was only fair that somehow they got a baby shower.

"Beca deserves to be somewhat prepared, because we all know how reluctant she can be towards trends and traditions." Emily adds, a collective nod from all the other girls.

"She would never ask for this, especially since she hates attention." Chloe reminds them with a sharp whisper.

"But it can be a small gathering. We can all pitch in for a big gift, or all give her a little one. I for one, think we should make her baby a blanket, sewn with meaningful things into it." Emily suggests, and Aubrey nods.

"But we don't know how soon we have before all them little white babies come and take over Beca's life." Cynthia Rose reminds them.

"My suggestion is to get her a gift that she can use too. Especially since she'll be sore for awhile." Stacey adds.

"Citizenship. That's what I would want; A guarantee that I'll never be deported again." Flo jumps in, suggesting merely what she would like.

" _I like to hear babies cry, but she probably won't. We should get her some…"_ Lily begins before being cut off by the others, concerned on where this creepy statement was going.

Aubrey holds her hand up, trying to stop the talk amongst the girls, smiling as if she had something up her sleeve. She had pondered this since the day she had found out that Beca was pregnant, well, maybe after she let the fact sink in and after she got over her irritation towards Beca having to back out of the performance for her dad.

"Ladies, I've got a master plan, better than a shower. But first, does anyone know where Beca's laptop is?" She smiles, collecting strange yet curious stares from the others.

Beca lay on the cold, sterile table, numb from the waist down and covered all across her arms with tubes and an IV, shaking from the coolness of the air conditioning in the room, nothing but her gown covering her.

She had been having intense contractions since four that morning, and nothing they did would slow them down. The babies showed signs of distress as Beca's blood pressure heightened and at one point baby "D's" heart rate was dangerously low. At that point Beca had made it to thirty and a half weeks, and they decided it was okay to go and deliver. The NICU was acknowledged of their coming, and the timely arrival was estimated to be within the next few hours.

Jesse was called to fly out two days ago for a life changing interview in New York for a full time _Buzzfeed_ job, and after much discussion it was decided that he would take the opportunity to interview. Jesse knew that even if he probably wouldn't get the job, he wanted it just for the experience, the chance to say he did it. He hated the fact that he may miss the birth, but promised he'd fly out as soon as possible. The interview was yesterday and still no word, but she knew he was now on the flight and might be here soon.

Beca lay, nauseas from the meds pumping through her veins, waiting for her support system to get here. Her husband being gone gave her intense anxiety, feeling alone and afraid while her four babies would make their one by one entrance, hopefully healthy and no elongated stay.

It was suddenly that she felt herself relax, as if the knife going to her stomach was making the babies reality, and though being a mom soon scared her, she was excited and calm knowing that she would be surrounded by her children and friends. It was also then that she came into the room, head to toe in blue scrubs, hiding her ginger hair beneath the paper cap and she had changed from her heels into paper slippers.

"It's okay Becs, I'm here now." She comforts her, standing beside her head.

Beca's hands shook and her teeth chattered, her fingers wrapping themselves shakily around Chloe's hand as she offered it to her. She felt her clammy hands slip but Chloe caught it, tightening the grip to reassure her that she wasn't going anywhere.

"We're coming in on the first baby now. It won't be long until we pull her out." Doctor Jermaine informs her, a visible smile beneath her mask.

Beca feels all the eyes of the doctors on her stomach, along with the pressure of many hands cutting and searching around her uterus to pull the first baby out. She felt nervous as she imagined her first glance at the first child. Would she see a small, limp, wailing baby? Would she have hair? Would she come out fighting, for air, for life, or would she be strong and healthy?

She fully expected them to be small, that she knew because not only were the early, but there was only so much room for four babies to live inside of her not-so-small stomach. It was then that she heard a gasp, and she wasn't sure whether it was a small whimper from Chloe, tears in the ginger's eyes, or if the first baby was "coming up for air", as Jesse would joke.

"She's here, Beca! Here she is!" She hears Chloe exclaim, unable to contain her contagious excitement.

Beca tightened the grip on Chloe's hand the best she could, swearing that she was really trying to keep Chloe from running over to see the baby on the other side of the curtain. Doctor Jermaine lifted the baby into the air so that she could be seen over the curtain and Beca was immediately a mess of tears, and sweat and emotions. She felt as if she lost all control of her surroundings, the only thing she could think about, the only thing she was concentrating on was her newly born child.

It hurt her so bad to see her child, not just because the child was so small, but because this was what she wanted, this is what she and Jesse had longed for for so long. It hurt, the reality not quite sinking in but the pain a mother could physically feel in her heart was there. She literally loved that child so much it hurt her.

"Here comes number two!" She hears a muffled exclaim from behind the curtain.

It was like three shots into the heart, now one baby after the other arriving within minutes of each other. It was a beautifully painful thing, the love she felt, the beautiful light she finally saw in the sea of pain, and it felt like a new beginning, the gold at the end of the rainbow. She had her silver lining and could think of nothing else.

"She here Chlo, she's really here." Beca broken sobs take over in a way her pre-mom self would be embarrassed by.

Right now the only wall that Beca hadn't torn down was that blue paper curtain that separated her from her children. It hurt her that the paper curtain made her feel distant from her children, but nonetheless would they soon have skin to skin, all four of them cuddled into her bare chest.

"They're beautiful Beca." Chloe gushes, brushing Beca's stray hairs back from her sweaty face.

They were all immediately rushed from the arms of the nurses into the NICU, Beca merely getting a glance at them before the chaos in the room took over and everything became a blur. She felt happily drowsy, and though Jesse missed the birth, they would now have the rest of their lives, the next eighteen years full of witnessing the milestones of the four babies.


	4. Leap of Faith (in myself)

"Mrs. Swanson?" She hears a voice shake her from her thoughts, surprisingly calm, though her thoughts were not.

It had been two hours since the arrival and Beca was in recovery, wondering how in the world the babies were doing and when her husband would be there. She felt ill from the meds and the fear, and spent the long hours spacing out at the blank white wall, waiting for news on her babies.

"We can wheel you into the NICU to see the babies. They're doing well." Nurse Julie smiles, offering a hand to help Beca into the chair, but she doesn't move.

"Becs? The babies are doing okay, didn't you hear that?" Chloe tries to help, but Beca just shakes her head.

The babies would be covered in wires from head to toe, and blindfolded to be shielded from the bright lights that kept them warm. It pained her to know that her babies had a long road of recovery, even if they weren't necessarily suffering. She knew that they weren't okay, just stable, that with multiples anything was predictable, and she struggled to believe that it would stay like this. Inevitably something was bound to happen, but she needed to trust the work of God because this was out of her hands.

"I don't want to see them." Beca plainly informs them.

"Beca, it's going to be okay. They're your babies; Seeing them is beneficial for you both. You can hold them, and they can hear your heartbeat. If anything, it may help." Nurse Julie informs her, gesturing to the chair silently.

"I want my husband to be here." Beca states.

"Beca," Chloe pleas but Beca's glare scares her off.

"Mrs. Swanson, it's up to you, but whatever you decide is fine. I just thought I'd let you know."

Would it really bother Jesse if she visited them first? Probably not because right now they were completely neglected, parentless, and that thought upset her. She knew that they were lonely, and having nurses in and out of the room to check on them couldn't compare as the same comfort.

"Sure." Beca forces a smile, climbing into the chair with assistance from Chloe.

They wheeled her down a long, cold hallway and into the children's pediatric, a warm, yellow colored building with wooden puzzles and teddy bears on the wall. Quietly in the background played children's nursery rhymes and it made her feel warm inside.

"Here we are." She was turned by Julie into the room, four plastic incubators lined against the wall near the back.

They weren't as dramatically portrayed as Beca had feared, and actually looked quite comfortable. The babies were lined up according to their birth order and not the letters the were in the womb. Baby 'A' was actually the second to last born, Julie informed her, and second from the viewing window. They lay peacefully, undisturbed in their incubators, unaware that their mom was gushing over them.

"Which baby do you want me to take you to?" Julie asks, and Beca shrugs, impatiently trying to try and hold them all.

"That one." She nods towards the baby that was screaming, her small pinkish skin turning a tomato red.

Baby 'B' was the first born and the baby she and Jesse had initially wanted to name according to the second name they had on the list. But as Beca held her light body in her arms, the baby flailing her limbs against her mom's chest in anger from being awoken, Beca immediately knew that this was her feisty child.

"And you are…" She nervously looks down at the little bundle throwing a fit in her arms, "My little Nina Rueben, or "Ruby"." She relaxes a bit, despite her little spit fire fighting back as if she didn't agree with the name.

Rubies were literally a type of fiery stone that was known for its red, sultry, sassy color. Nina was a little sassy fighter, and even in utero was the baby Beca recognized as most active. Nina was initially Jesse's pick but Beca was onboard when she realized that it was a perfect fit for the baby, baby 'B', that was always moving inside her, and kicking her in the ribs. It seemed that every time she ate something spicy, Nina was the one kicking back.

"What about this one? It looks like she's content, unlike her sister." Chloe asks, pointing to the baby that looked as if she was smiling.

"That's our Lettie Louise." Their baby 'D'.

"Beca, how are the hormones treating you?" Chloe smiles, realizing how Beca was not herself in the way she was talking.

Beca was usually the cut to the chase, no balogna, say it as it is type, but with all this gushing, Beca was a moody barbie. She basically had no control over her emotions, both happy and sad. Chloe knew hormones would be difficult to control, but she didn't expect to see this new Beca and certainly hoped this emotionally gushy stuff didn't last (even if she secretly loved seeing a tender hearted, softy, Beca)

"So which ones are going to be the other two?"

Chloe had known the names ahead of time, just not which baby would be assigned which name. What she didn't know was that Beca had actually given the one of the girls Chloe's middle name as a first. Mila Elise was quad 'A' and lastly, baby 'C' was named Luna Eleanore.

"Can I hold one?" She suddenly hears a voice from behind them, and to her relief her husband's loafers click on the floor, walking towards them both.

Jesse walked in, a small box tied shut with a red ribbon, and inside it held a card and an envelope with documents. He handed it to Chloe who was up until then, watching over Luna as she longed to hold her, but couldn't.

"Just a little something for our favorite God mom." Jesse smirked, waiting for Chloe to catch on.

"You mean?" Chloe asks, tears welling up in her glassy blue eyes.

Chloe side hugs Jesse and wraps her arm around Beca's shoulder in a squeeze, disbelief that they chose her over Jesse's sisters to be a Godparent. After all, Chloe had been a huge part in their lives and fertility journey.

When Beca had considered IVF for a second round, Chloe was right there for support. When they considered adoption and they got rejected because they weren't what the parents were looking for, she was there, at their home everyday at six in the morning when Beca couldn't leave the bed for a month. She had at one point offered to carry a baby for them, but they decided against it, no matter the generous offer.

It was suddenly that Nina began gasping in Beca's arms, in a way that was heartbreaking, a fiercely vivid imagine that Beca swore she would never forget, because no one could forget the look of struggle and fight on the little girl's face. It wasn't something she had seen before, but now it was something she couldn't unsee.

"What's happening? What did I do?" Beca's voice began to tremble with panic.

Heart monitors and machines were going off everywhere and Beca felt her heart palpitate and her thoughts race, everything becoming a hazy state as the nurses ran in and took Nina from her. Another nurse had also rushed in, ushering Beca's wheelchair and Jesse out of the room, tears now streaming down Beca's anxious body. She was a sweat covered, tear stained, beautifully fearful mess.

 **-XXX-**

The hours after that seemed to inch by, every minute going by slower than the last. Beca pondered her thoughts on what she could have done wrong, what if there was something she could have done to prevent it. She felt at felt, a guilt only a mother could feel and criticized herself. She literally felt that she could have prevented this somehow, that she did something wrong in her pregnancy, even though the nurses assured her that Nina's difficulties had nothing to do with Beca.

When four hours had passed and no word on Nina's surgery, Beca looked to Jesse, his face a mess, and inquisitively watched him play with his wedding band, twisting around on his ring finger repeatedly.

"Jess, do you think there's anything I could have done? Like, why didn't I just pass on the girl's night? It had to be all the activity that I was doing. Because if I would have stayed on bedrest, or had taken it easier, this wouldn't have happened."

"Beca," Jesse looks up, walking over and sitting cross-legged on the end of the hospital bed. "Nina's lungs were under-developed and collapsed. This has nothing to do with you."

"I put myself into labor by falling." Beca argues, completely convinced.

"Beca, this is not your fault. There's nothing you could have done differently because it's more common than you want to believe that multiples are born early."

"But Jess-" She begins again before being cut of.

"Do you realize how amazing this is?" Jess begins, receiving an estranged look from Beca. "You have defied the odds of us being pregnant, you carried all four of them to what is considered "term" for quads, and now they're having a few difficulties."

"What's your point? It was selfish for me to even implant more than one egg, and put them at risk."

"No, it wasn't. Because you couldn't have possibly predicted that they would both conceive, let alone both split. This is truly a miracle Beca. God knew you could handle the battle, and he still believes in you. You're the strongest person I know. Whatever happens, you're going to be alright."

Jesse reassuringly smiles at Beca, offering Beca his hand and she gingerly takes it, disdainfully looking at her IV covered hand with disgust, as well as her ankle. If Beca hadn't been hospitalized so early, her wrinkled, dry, and sore hand would not look the way it did. It looked dry and tired, swollen from the needle that took refuge in her arm. She secretly believed it was her fault, but she was too tired to keep arguing.

But what she didn't realize was how her body had done an amazing thing, and because of all the stigma following how C-sections weren't technically giving birth, she felt like she had failed as a mom, no matter how far that really was from the truth. But because she had been told by her mom that simply "removing" the baby from your stomach wasn't actually giving birth, and that she wasn't a real woman. Needless to say, Beca and her mom never had the greatest relationship.

"Mrs. Swanson?" She was interrupted from her talk by Julie, waiting in the door with a wheelchair. "If you'd like to visit the other babies, we can take you and your husband down."

But Beca wasn't interested with seeing the others because she felt as if she was a two-legged black cat that carried a ladder everywhere on its back. It felt that every time she did something she wasn't supposed to, or when she was around the babies, something went wrong. And she could tell Julie could see that when she was hesitant to answer.

"Mrs. Swanson, Nina will be out of surgery soon. I don't know if you realize this, but you've birthed quite a fighter. Just like you. She is tough and driven to survive, just like you were to take care of them while they were inside you. Everything is out of your hands; You did your part to take care of them on the inside, and you did nothing to cause this."

"But it was up to me to nourish and take care of myself so that the babies were healthy while I was pregnant, and I selfishless chose to go out and do things that I knew I shouldn't have."

"She had a pre-existing heart-condition that we didn't catch sooner. Did you know that this condition ran in your family?" Julie adds, seeing Beca's hesitance to buy what she was saying. "I promise it wasn't anything you did. And as a new mom it might be easy to blame yourself. Beca honestly though, I can't blame you for wanting to have one last fun night before they came. Even if it didn't go a little unexpectedly."

Beca began crying when Julie came over, pulling her phone out of her scrubs and scrolling through it. She saw a picture of a tiny child, one that nearly fit in the palm of a hand. It was bluish, it's paper skin see-through ish, its bones like glass.

"This was my son; This is my son. He was born at twenty-two weeks and we had an amazing two hours with him. It was a heartbreaking feeling when I was told there was nothing more they could do because I felt like it was my fault. Like, if I had taken better care of myself, they would have somehow been able to help him."

Julie looks to Beca, putting an arm around her patient even though she was instructed not to get too involved with them. Nurses were trained to have and maintain a business like, professional relationship, to show they cared without really getting too personal. But there was something about having a patient that was in the same boat that she once was that made it difficult for Julie to separate her personal life from her work.

"My point is, there was a long period of time that I blamed myself. But no matter how much I wanted to believe it was my fault, I eventually came to realize that blaming myself, wishing that I could have done things differently didn't change the fact that it wasn't my fault, and that it wasn't going to bring him back. So it's okay to mourn, it's okay to feel, but blaming yourself isn't the right way to handle it."

Julie side hugs Beca before checking her pager, realizing that she had been called back to the NICU to take care of a premature baby born ten days ago, just eight weeks earlier than expected, but was struggling to breathe on his own.

"I'll pray for you." Julie whispered on her way out, not caring if she wasn't supposed to say that to patients or not.

- **XXX-**

Beca was released four short days after giving birth, and when she thought that having the babies was hard, she hadn't been prepared for after the birth, when she would be sore from delivery, and emotionally drained. It was hard enough seeing the babies all taped up in the NICU, but leaving them was even harder. She could hardly move and was sore all across her torso, the weight of the babies so light that it was only thing that could keep her mind off of everything else.

When she had come home she slept through the day, requesting that Jesse shut the nursery door because she wasn't ready to look in the empty nursery yet. Jesse was bummed that she didn't see the hard work put into it, but respected his wife's feelings. So he held her waist with his arm, helping her waddle to their bed where she would spend the next six weeks, curled up as she recovered.

Sunday's were spent with brunch, church, then trips to the hospital to visit, but when she couldn't take not seeing them anymore, or the pain of wondering how they were she'd sneak out from where ever she was, wanting constant reassurance that they were okay. She had even snuck out in the middle of the night once in those weeks, the pain of wondering about them so unbearable the only solution was to leave.

So she slipped into her pajama pants, fleece and Jesse's slippers, and made off with their minivan to go visit the babies. She would stick her hand into their incubators on the nights the nurse's told her she couldn't move them, holding their hand contently for hours before Jesse would wake up to find her gone. He knew immediately where to find her, but getting her to leave was an unhealthy and difficult battle, because he knew he couldn't reason with her.

She would sing to them (that she did in private because she would die if anyone knew or let alone saw her soft side) sometimes being able to rock them back and forth as she did so. Luna was the one who seemed to react to it the most, and Beca loved watching her as she did so. Luna would gurgle and smile with happy, content, and fulfilling gas bubbles, being well fed, drowsy, and comforted by her mommy.

Mila simply loved just being kept company. If Beca did so much as anything more than sing to her she would cry, practically inconsolable. The nurses reassured that she had sensitive skin, and that skin to skin pained the little girl's under-developed body. Beca had felt like there was nothing she could do to comfort her, until one of the nurses suggested that Beca recorded her heartbeat for the girls.

Nina's temperature would drop, her body unable to regulate her heartbeat and temp, and she was hooked up to so many wires that Beca felt guilty for not being able to hold her. She was freezing despite the warm light and blankets on her, and it wasn't until they discovered that placing Mila in with her was what was keeping her alive, and it was quite strange at the same time it made sense that her sister, the one she shared the womb with, would help.

The warmth and comfort of her twin sister in the womb and now connecting with her inside was helping her. Nina spent so much time sharing the embryo with Mila that being separated was putting her in distress. Her sister, her womb-mate, they didn't share a heartbeat, but it felt pretty darn close.

"I love you." She would whisper, remembering how her own mother would sound when she tucked Beca into bed at night.

Beca's mother and herself did not have the greatest relationship, but neither did Beca and her dad until Beca started college and joined the Bella's. Sheila was just another obstacle in Beca's life that she would ignore, even though as a child she was always around. Sheila was the mother that Beca never truly had, and as much as Beca hated to admit it, she loved the step-monster. That was until she hit her teenage rebellion years and started throwing up walls to protect herself from the cruel world.

"I love you like Peanut butter loves Jelly." Sheila would kiss three-year-old Beca goodnight, flicking off the lights and leaving the door open just a crack.

"Love you, She-wah." She would giggle in her small, toddler voice.

Beca longed for the same connection with her babies, being able to read to them and individually tuck them into bed, even when life felt like it was out of control. She knew that life was about to get more hectic, crazier as the eventually would begin to be able to take home the babies. But she longed for that family life, to be home and settled in with her husband, and four babies at once didn't seem so bad anymore.

"Jess, can we please consider a new home?" Beca had begged him, the day the doctor had mentioned bringing Lettie and Luna home soon.

Jesse had known about the nursery and wanted to so badly tell her to hang on, that there was something amazing in store for when they came, but instead, much to his wife's annoyance, shrugged it off and tried to distract her with the fact that they had more time to consider moving, preferably when the babies weren't so little.

It was 2:04 a.m. and Beca was contently rocking her babies, Luna and Lettie propped up on her bare, open chest. She loved the warm feeling of their skins touching, and the sound of their tiny hearts beating and quiet breaths as a sign of life. A sign that they were here and they were fighting, despite being hooked up to a machine that helped make it easier.

The night nurse eventually would pop in, at 4:10 precisely. She knew because every morning she came to help with and watch to learn about their feedings, and would slip away sneakily back into bed after she finished. She didn't know if Jesse knew of her slipping away at night, but if he knew, certainly he didn't care.

This morning was different though, because she had been involved with feedings and she longed for Jesse to be there so that he could help too. Once the babies began eating more and breathing on their own they could leave, and she hoped to be there when the nurse finally decided that. They first had to also pass a car seat test, and imagined and replayed in her head the moment they would tell her she could leave with the babies.

"I've brought some of my own milk again." Beca informs the night nurse.

They had been adding in breast milk a little bit to see if the babies would take it, and to wean them off of formula. Beca knew it would be expensive to formula feed them, but she didn't realize how much harder it would be to breast feed them, especially if she had hoped to build and work in her own studio one day. Breast feeding four babies was harder than she thought, even if she thought she knew what was best.

Beca struggled at first getting them to latch. She had been so dependant on her breast pump and the babies weren't used to this that when they never did get the hang of it, she began to bawl, feeling as if she had failed as a mom. It was then that the nurse smiled, grabbing Lettie from Beca and offering her the bottle with Beca's gentle head nod as permission.

"Beca, you don't have to feed them with your milk because that's what everyone else says you should. Lots of women don't, just because it's not what's best for them. So don't stretch yourself thin thinking you have to feed them that way because you are entitled you raise your babies how you see fit."

"I'm trying to do what's beneficial for them and their health."

"And that may not be what's best for all of you. Stress can actually affect the milk production and quality more than you may think. It's not for everyone, and lots of mom's who plan on going back to work and don't want to pump choose it. This is something that needs to be beneficial for all of you. It's not fair to you or the babies to stretch yourself this thin."

Beca knew the nurse was right: She couldn't handle pumping, feeding and taking care of all four babies at the same time. She of course wasn't alone in this, but Jesse couldn't pump and if they both hoped to go back to work, it would be a real inconvenience.

She eventually agreed it wasn't best for the whole family for Beca to have to constantly stop and pump for the babies at home or for daycare. Sure, it was cheaper and more accessible at times, but Beca, who was much more reserved, didn't like the idea of having to pump in public, no matter if it was natural or not.

"I'm going to do what's best for the babies, because they're my priorities. And I don't think it'll be easy to breastfeed them all. Formula may be a convenience. I may not be able to provide them natural milk, but at least I know I'm making the decision on how I want my babies raised, and not how society says I should." Beca states, feeling bold for taking the reigns and deciding not to go into the social stigma against not breastfeeding.


	5. New Paths and Backwards Steps

**Hey Guys! I'm soooo so so very sorry for the long wait between chapters! I've been writing a lot lately to fill in the time that the writers block this story has given me. I've had plenty ideas, but none of them quite fit in the story yet, so it made it tricky to fill in the gaps. However, I am going to try and be more consistent in posting, especially with summer break coming up. I'll try to get out a new chapter, whether it's just a small bit or not, to give you something. I'll try to publish on Sundays! Thank you for the feedback! I want my readers to feel as a part of the story and connected to the characters as I do, and through feedback I can do that, whether constructive or good! :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

When Jesse finally went back to work, around the time the quads were seven weeks old, Beca began taking Chloe with her to visit the babies, and when the day came for Lettie and Luna to come home, she was accompanied by all of the Bella's.

Up until that point, no visitors other than the parents were allowed to see the girls. The Bella's were dying to meet them and longed to welcome their new members in a special way. Aubrey's idea was coming along, but they hadn't wanted to spoil it until all the babies were home.

But on the day the twins, Lettie and Luna were released, they had brought the newly renovated Bella bus to bring them home in, almost as an 'initiation', if they would. However, Beca insisted that bringing the girls home in their car would be fine, and that they could follow behind if they had wanted to come visit.

"Woah," Nurse Julie stopped in the doorway with the twins in their plastic bassinet, the room full of chatter and smiling, excited faces, jumping for joy when she finally arrived. "Who are all your friends?" She asked, forgetting that Beca had told her about her college a-cappella group.

"These are my friends from the a-Capella group I was in." Beca formally introduces her to everyone, giving them a cute little wave.

"Well, we're going to do the car seat test now to see if they're ready to leave." Julie informs her, continuing to push Lettie and Luna into the room, and into their seats.

Beca watches anxiously as the Julie and her medical student take the twins and place them gently, yet snugly into the carriers, demonstrating to Beca how to properly place the straps over their bodies. Beca nodded even though her thoughts were suddenly far. She was about to take home the babies she and Jesse had so badly wanted, and wasn't having second thoughts, just anxiety on how the world around her felt like it was slipping beneath her feet.

It was the edge of a cliff and they were finally making the jump. Only it didn't feel like she had the choice, she felt as if she was pushed without instruction, and told that she had to figure out how to open the chute. The chute was motherhood, and even though she was assured it would open, there was still no guarantee that nothing would go wrong. The ground beneath their feet was uncertain, it was like they could land on telephone wire, or in a rocky cannon.

But that was life; Never knowing where you're going to land next, or even being certain that there was going to be safe ground. But at the end of the day, every time you made a difficult choice, you were at least certain that you would land somewhere, that you wouldn't just keep falling. And as for the landing, it could be rough, but everything would work out. At the end of the day the chute would probably open, and she would be floated down, or blown to where she needed to be.

" _C'est La Vie."_ Her husband would say when things got tough and Beca was overwhelmed. It was a phrase that usually annoyed her, but she came to realize that it was always true. They couldn't change life, just how they reacted to the things that came their way. And the quads, this was a prime example.

"Do you got that, Mrs. Swanson?" Her thoughts were disrupted by the nurse's medical student, Morgan.

Suddenly they place Luna into Beca's arms and she feels her heart begin to furiously palpitate, and she wishes more than anything for Jesse to be there. She hadn't been precariously watching as she did when they fed the babies, and she wished her husband was there. This little being, crying in her arms with fierce sobs that shook its entire body was frightening Beca, and it was then she started crying too.

Chloe walked over after dismissing the other Bellas, not even suggesting but demanding they leave because she had this. She walked up from behind Beca, then putting her hands firmly on Beca's shoulders, stared her assertively in the eyes. She wanted Beca to listen and she wanted her to listen up real good, because this was important. She had heard this same speech from her mother, to her younger sister, shortly after her nephew was born.

"Beca, this is your baby; She wants to be comforted by her mommy. There's nothing to be afraid of, all babies cry. And I know this is scary, but these little beings are dependant on you. I need you to be brave."

"I don't know what I'm doing. I'm terrified of messing up as a mother." Beca protests.

"New things are often scary. But it's a learning experience, and nothing you do to mess is gonna mean you're a bad parent. It's trial and error, and as humans, we're entitled to make these mistakes to help us shape ourselves. Just because you feel like you messed up doesn't mean the girls are necessarily going to be bad people."

"Chloe, I'm positive I'm not ready for that. Not for the responsibility of raising these girls because it feels like the pressure is on me. Like if they are naughty, it's on me." She's now blubbering, all her bottled up emotions pouring out at once, and all over Chloe's shoulders.

"You can never be ready for this, and it's up to you to do the best you can for them as a mom. But you can fight and tread on the things you did, but at the end of the day, it'll be ultimately up to them eventually for their actions or how they live in society." Chloe reassures her.

They're interrupted by Nurse Julie's gentle voice, reminding them that she is always here for when they have questions, and that they were ready to wheel Beca and the babies down to the car.

" _You can do this champ."_ Beca remembers her husband's voice whisper in her ear this morning before he left for work. " _I believe in you, and I love you. You're my little million dollar, tough as nails, baby."_ His voice had left a sleepy smile on her unpainted face.

Chloe gravitated towards Lettie's carrier, picking her up and sliding the seat up her arm, whilst balancing Luna's empty carrier in the other hand. It was like carrying a semi-less fashionable purse, she thought, but she felt cool and tough doing it. The assistant then took Luna from Beca and reiterated the importance of where the seatbelt should go, while showing Beca how to do it again.

Chloe drove while Beca sat between the girls, feeling a certain at peace sensation while at the same time replaying any and every terrifying scenario that went through her head. She worried that Lettie would pull out her feeding tubes, or that either one of them would stop breathing. It was an exciting, yet tense twenty-seven minute car trip from the hospital back home.

"Beca, I'll help take the girls in, then get you comfortable." She offers, leaving Beca to slowly make her way out of the car while Chloe scrambles with the baby seats.

She still waddled, after all the weight wasn't going to melt off and the scars were certainly not going to heal themselves without some degree of pain. Birth was both magically and horrifying for all the right reasons.

Though Beca was satisfied with the outcome, her four beautiful and mostly healthy girls, she couldn't say she'd ever want to do it again, not even just one baby. But somehow even though she didn't understand it, she would, in a heartbeat, do it all over for her girls, even if it meant a full nine months of stretching, pain in a multitude of uncomfortable places, difficult breathing, and sickness.

Beca stopped in the mudroom at the flat between the two staircases, hesitant towards walking upstairs into the main living space and open concept kitchen. She knew by heart it was only eight steps, but nonetheless it felt worse now climbing the steps than it did when she was extremely pregnant. It was these little things nobody told you about, the after effects of the pregnancy because they told her that she'd be too busy fussing over the babies to care. _That,_ she thought, was not so.

' _I just want this pregnancy to be over soon!'_ She laughs at herself as she vividly remembers groaning, only to be warned by everyone that she should enjoy it now before life got too crazy.

Chloe had disappeared into the guest room with Lettie and Luna as Beca curled up on the sofa, pulling the afghan blanket over her body despite feeling like one-hundred degrees too warm. She shut her eye for a split second before she was startled awake, not by the distant crying in the other room, or frantic Chloe, but the two, wet circles that formed around her breasts.

' _Great, it has started.'_ She grumbled, and she remembered that she had read that the sound of a baby crying, even if it wasn't hers, could trigger her milk flow.

Beca began to cry, a flood of postpartum emotions washing over her in exhaustion. If two babies was this stressful, how could she possibly handle four? It had literally been a few hours, and Luna already had tried eating four times, no success, and now she heard Chloe squeal from the other room. Beca swore that if Chloe tried to microwave another bottle, she would blow her top.

"Chlo?" Beca begins to sit up.

"Don't worry Beca; I've got it under control." She hears Chloe nervously reply from the room over.

Beca knew that was a darn lie. Chloe never had things "under control" per say, actually, things often became worse because Chloe didn't know how to handle situations under pressure. So Beca rocked forward, her stomach fighting back in pain from the sutures after C-section, and she struggled to stand. But eventually she stood, waddling slowly but surely towards the bedroom.

"What the heck, Chloe?!" Beca gasped, on the verge of tears, though Chloe had beat her to it.

Chloe held Lettie on her stomach, bouncing her back and forth as if she was superman or something, but her grip wasn't firm, but very loose as she was trying to avoid touching Lettie's bottom to anything.

"Set her down, carefully." Beca warns, instructing the ginger to do as she told.

Chloe lifts the baby, holding her now by the armpits, holding her in the air and walking across the room to the changing table.

"Easy Chlo, I don't want her runs getting on anything other than her onesie. We rent this place."

"Really Beca? I have a patch of baby poop running down my arms and of all things you're worried about, it's the carpet?" She snaps back with sarcasm, disbelief that Beca's mind was elsewhere while her day was literally being crapped on.

Beca apologized, helping Chloe lower the baby on the table as she began to become smothered with the green substance too, gagging as she tried not to itch her face or scratch her nose with either hand. She wondered why it was only when her hands were both unavailable that parts of her body decided they needed to be itched.

"You're going to hold her up by her pits, and I'll slide the onesie down." Beca instructs, watching Chloe nod and she took deep breaths.

Taking a deep breath, Beca unbuttons the top and bottom of the onesie, pulling down the shoulders and basically shimming the soaked clothing off her baby and into the hamper. She gagged once, not because it smelled, but because the sight of it dripping all over was overwhelming and triggering her OCD.

"Aaack!" Beca gags, turning her head to the side in order not to puke on the baby or carpet, but rather into the diaper genie.

"Beca, can you hand me the wipes? And do we still have those dishwashing gloves in the kitchen?" She asks and Beca frowns.

"Don't you think we're being a bit, extreme? It doesn't smell, it's not solid, and it's only breastmilk. We're lucky, and if anything, it kinda reminds me of butterscotch." Beca smiles pleasantly, putting up a facade so that Chloe wouldn't freak, but rather try to see the brightside.

"Who knew a baby this tiny could cause a poop-ruption so big." Chloe jokes and Beca laughs in agreeance, the two feeling like this is the most they have bonded in the years since college.

Baby's or more rather, the babies, cause a strain on relationships. Not just Beca and Jesse's, who as husband and wife had to learn to get to know each other all over again and adjust their married lives with children now. It was hard emotionally, financially, in every way they could imagine. They weren't prepared for how busy their lives would be and realized how important help was, especially from each other and friends and family. They truly needed to depend on each other and not be so stubborn where they felt embarrassed or too ashamed to ask for help. Asking for help was not a sign of weakness, but rather of maturity, growth, and a sign that you looked to better yourself through listening to others opinions.

Beca and Chloe had grown apart for a while, but she felt comfortable for a long time with where they were until she realized she wasn't. She hated to picture a future without the ginger in it. She need Chloe as much as Chloe need her, and the babies were beginning to create new bonding experiences. She didn't realize how much she needed her friend until the babies were born, and now more so in that moment. It was then she began to break down. Chloe looked to her and set down the naked baby which was now clean, and pulled Beca into a tight squeeze.

"Beca, I know it's new and stressful, but we'll get through it. We're not just a team, but family. I love you." She whispers, brushing Beca's hair back cautiously, careful not to touch her face with her dirty hands.

"I'm really thankful for not only my children, but the fact that God used them to bring us back together. I've really missed you Chlo."

"I'm not going anywhere. I've always been here, we've just been kinda distant lately, but isn't there some dumb saying that says 'distance make the heart grow, wanda.' or something?" She remarks.

"Fonder, not Wanda, Chlo." Beca laughs, hugging her once more before turning back to her baby, finishing the project they had started.

"Uh Beca, look at this." Chloe instructs, concern in her voice. "Lettie and Luna both look a little yellow. I thought it might be the lighting, but it's really obvious now."

"They haven't exactly been getting a lot of sun in the hospital Chloe; They're probably a little jaundice." Beca brushes off, tossing the dirty onesie into the hamper.

Chloe looks closer, looking into the eyes of a crying Lettie, the ring around her eyes red from crying while her actual eyes were of yellowish color, and some of her skin had yellowish bruising on it too.

"Are you sure Beca? Can we at least just take them in to be safe?"

"We can call their pediatrician and see if we can get in as soon as possible." She replies calmly, trying to ease her own fears.

 **-XXX-**

"Hey Babies," Dr. Sofia Robbins greets Lettie and Luna in a baby voice, watching as Beca sets the carriers down and bites her lip to keep from crying.

She felt like a horrible mother for ignoring something as simple as early onset jaundice. She had read that some babies get in early on and it's reversible with care. It's not always a sign of other conditions and by the way Dr. Robbins greeted them, she hadn't seemed too concerned by their appearances either.

"We're concerned because the yellowing has seemed to worsen in the days since we scheduled this appointment." Beca begins without instruction, Robbins marking down and taking in every word with concern, but also she brought a certain brightness and happiness to the situation.

Beca began to wonder if it was her bubbly personality, the roller shoes, or the little pin on her jacket of a monkey. Maybe it was all three, but Beca herself secretly began to wish Dr. Robbins could be her doctor too. But it wasn't until they mentioned bringing the babies to a CT that they were anxious.

"It's okay, with multiples and preemies, we see this more often than singletons. We're just gonna run a few tests and we'll figure out how to help your babies." She reassures them, careful not to promise them false hope.

Sofia began to undress the babies to look for more skin pigments and imperfections that were normal like moles and birthmarks, but paused when she got to the stomach. Her face dropped and could no longer hold the happy facade, and immediately she reached for her pager.

"How long has this bruise colored patch been over their livers? Because they both have it around the same spot."

"My other doctor assured me it was a coincidental birthmark." Beca informed her, her face drawn out fear.

"Well I have a reason to believe that it could actually be acute, early onset, liver failure. In both twins." She puts her stethoscope around her neck and gloves in the trash before beginning to dress them again.

"What?" Beca's voice shook with fear, looking to Chloe for comfort and found her friend's hand in hers.

"The front desk will schedule a follow up with a specialist. But we'd like to keep the girls overnight for observation." Dr. Robbins informs them to Beca's dismay.

Beca's heart ached with fear and disappointment. Even in this moment with Chloe by her side and her husband's surefire support, she couldn't help but shake this feeling she had. She didn't know how to explain in and felt somewhat selfish for wanting to take them and run.

Especially if it was a serious as the doctor made it sound despite her comforting words, Beca hurt inside knowing that she had barely taken two of her four babies home only for them to return back to the hospital. She felt empty, lonely, scared, angry, a million thoughts and feelings running through her engorged veins. She wanted to scream, or walk away and shut everything out like nothing was happening.

But this wasn't college anymore; She couldn't just write a song or create a mix or whatever while shutting everyone out. Because in her adult life she knew that even though song released her emotion somewhat, she needed to lean on others, as she had learned through her days as a Bella.


End file.
